Titled: The Storm Inside
If you know me well... you will know that I am infatuated with cloud formations and even more so... storms. I have been told many times that I am crazy for the random exclamations of.... "there's a duck!" or "Look at the elephant!" while we are driving. My wife will glance out the window looking for a loose elephant from a zoo.... or some baby ducklings walking along the side of the road... but after all these years she gets me... then her gaze turns towards the sky and just shakes her head.
But my favorite infatuation with the clouds is when they turn dark. When clouds start to turn ominous and pick up speed... my phone comes out and I go to an app on my phone that shows the areas of highest concentrated lightning strikes. If it is within 10 miles.. I will get in my car and drive there and park my car and enjoy the show.
Even though I enjoy a weather storm as described above.... there is a storm that I have been so fearful of throughout my life........ that is the internal storm. As I have gotten older I realize that everyone experiences these kind of storms from time to time... I have been one to experience them more than I prefer.
These storms come with no rhyme or reason. Sure, I can sometimes blame it on different life circumstances. Perhaps a bill might be due. Taxes. Rejection from others. A health condition. The current political debacle (argggg). But I have discovered after many years that these storms come and go regardless of external events. As recent as this morning... day five of my summer vacation.... after a wonderful day of reconnecting with friends from 30 years ago.... reminiscing with my wife about this day (August 1st) being the day that we were engaged 26 years ago. Having a wonderful conversation with our oldest daughter who is extremely happy in North Carolina..... so..... why the internal storm??? Who the heck knows? I haven't been able to figure it out in my 50 plus years. Everytime I go through this.. I fear that I might go back into a time period where the darkest clouds came and stayed for years...
But today... I was able to keep my senses. Today I was able to compare the internal storm clouds to the wonderful storm clouds of nature that I adore. I have read so many times the advice by many writers that one should just sit and observe these internal clouds... because they will pass. So... that is what I did.. I didn't try to figure them out. I didn't try to push them away. I didn't even try to ignore them. I sat there quietly and just observed them............. and...... an amazing thing happened. Suddenly they weren't as ominous. Then..... they were rolling past. What could have become a day of me turning over, pulling covers over my head to hide from the storm... or a frantic search on Google or Reddit for answers or ways to push back these clouds... I just... observed... these... clouds.
Now.. here I am thirty minutes into almost finishing this blog. Not only am I not hiding and wasting a complete day, but I am putting something out into the world that I know others will identify with... because I have talked with others who go through this same thing. In a few minutes I will be getting up to a very productive day. If the storm clouds roll back over (which they usually do) I will just simply take whatever time needed to observe them.
I will stand in awe of the beauty of these menacing visions. I will look for the elephant in that cloud. Look... there's a triceratops! (Made you look)
Can any one relate to this phenonemon? Please feel free to share your story as well. Thanks for letting me share mine
